Photo Credit: Raaj Mandal

Photo Credit: Raaj Mandal


Ok. Now down to the real business. 

Prior to writing this email, I pulled Spider Medicine from my Animal Medicine card deck. Spider is the female energy of the creative force that weaves the beautiful designs of life. When the proverbial web of a business plan was beginning it's weave 5 years ago, I was just coming off chemotherapy treatment for Stage IV [advanced, widespread] Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I felt invincible. I felt like I could do anything, especially since it was validated through a cancer-free PET Scan that I had won the battle!

Looking back, I truly could not make logical sense of my feelings- why I would ever consider leaving the comfort of having achieved everything I had worked for in Corporate, with its generous salary + bonuses. Having a young family, it logically made sense to continue regardless of how dead to my soul I became. But this burning, passionate desire to help people would not go away.

High on inspiration and the fiery desire to help others find a healing path that integrated BOTH movement + personal empowerment through the study of yoga was created into a specialized, sacred space in September 2013, with brick-and-mortar manifestation on November 1st 2014. 

Make no mistake though, the fire has burned out before. I've wanted to give up when it gets too hard + hip to stay relevant. The fight for priority between the interests of protection/self-preservation + expansion/growth + true compassion/caring for the vulnerability of our fellow humans while still dealing with our own issues of being 30-something, still growing up and raising little humans can be an emotionally confusing battle. Imagine adding money for survival into that mix.

With the help of yoga off the mat: a strong family, very good friends + low key parked car therapy sessions with aforementioned people, this 5 years has given me the fortunate experience of coming to the understanding that:

  • Feelings are very valid + real. Ignoring feelings is really just a form of self-betrayal. All emotions are useful to our growth if we learn to shift them around so that we are fueled by the fire instead of consumed by it. Feeling is the greatest gift of human intelligence, making us strong, brave, and beautiful. They do not make one weak, clingy, or overemotional when you know how to ground down + work with them effectively.

  • You have the ability to create what you want to see in this world. In this town of big box stores, little ole desk job me saw that there is another option for our teachers, fellow mothers, wives, and friends to really come into an understanding that we have the power to command our own energy, no matter how bleak the survival rate really looks. 

  • Trauma permanently changes us. This is the big, scary truth abouttrauma. There is no such thing as "getting over it." The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no "back to the old me." You are different now, full stop. This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new definitions of strength + joy [much like how Julie, Founder of NamaSTAYSTRONG, states].

The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge + wear your new lyfe: warts, scars, wisdom, and all- with courage.

Needless to say, together, as you can see simply by being in the space, we have spun our own web of delight. Starseed is not just mine, it is shared in harmonious relation with the Guides, Teachers, Old and New Souls. 

The most important message that Spider delivers through this letter today is that we are infinite beings who will continue to weave the patterns of life and living throughout time.

Here's to seeing the expansiveness of how you live within the divine plan,
Leah + the Starseed Yoga team | Written September 2018